My Journey

As I read Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard again, I felt that I should look back over the journey I am on just as little Much Afraid did. She had picked up 10 stones along her journey to the high places and each of them represented a lesson learned. There have been several instances when I look back that have been instrumental in shaping my life. At the time many of them didn’t seem all that important, but looking back I see now that they were. Through several of them I picked up physical evidences of what God did in my life, personal stones of remembrance.

I grew up in Christian home and in Church. Asked God in when I was about 3 years old. There was a program at church called Missionettes that we were involved with. As I moved up through the classes there were women that invested into my life, but the knowledge that I gained was mainly head knowledge. I learned a ton of memory verses, read the Bible, and did numerous studies although most of it didn’t penetrate to my heart.

July 1995 – I fell from a Class A motor home front captains seat while it was traveling about 25 miles per hour. The fall resulted in a skull fracture over my right ear. The skull fracture severed a small artery on my brain causing a blood clot to form. Emergency surgery by an outstanding neurosurgeon followed. Removal of the blood clot and repairing the skull fracture, with two metal plates and eight screws, were accomplished. Looking back this has showed me God’s hand in my life and serves as a reminder that God has big plans for me. This is more of a screw of remembrance, rather than a stone. ;) The whole story, which is quite lengthy, written by my mom can be read here: http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AVsUZhqJXlo0ZGdqN2doZDRfMGdiZDluNnE0&hl=en

God began to work on my dreams for the future about when I was in the 6^th grade. My mom, older sister, and I were on our way home from a mid-week church service. They had listened to a guy who works with teenagers that are living on the streets of Seattle and they were discussing the things he had talked about. His ministry took teens, who were living on the streets, off the streets and gave them training in certain career fields to help them stay off the streets. While my mom and sister were talking in the front of our mini van, I was sitting in the back seat just listening. At some point of the conversation, it felt like my heart leaped into my throat; their conversation faded out in my mind. All I could think about were kids around my age living on the streets with no protection. I wanted to help them. I wanted to be able to give them hope that the dreams they have, that seem squashed, can happen. With some help, they can be whatever they want to be. Over time the focus of who I want to work with and what I want to do changed and morphed.

On June 1, 2000 my parents gave me a purity ring to be a reminder to me of the promise I had made to them and my future husband to wait for him and to trust God with my future. One day that ring will be replaced by another to signify my lifelong commitment to my husband.

All through growing up I had a very child like faith in God. I went to church because my parents did. Don’t get me wrong, I loved God and served God, but it was on the coat tails of my parents. After I was crowned an Honor Star through Missionettes in 2000, I tried youth group and found it wasn’t a good fit for me. There wasn’t a clique that I fit into so I felt like an outsider. I started helping in the 2 & 3 year olds classroom in Wednesday nights. That was an instrumental time for me in the process of figuring out what direction I was heading. I loved working with the younger children and watching them develop.

During high school I turned a cold shoulder to the plans God had for my life. Reading my Bible had become a chore. For a period of about three years I closed my heart and my ears to what God had to say. I was doing what I wanted to do. I knew where I was going in life, but once I knew, I took control of how I would get there and who was coming with me. I entered a dating relationship against my parents and mentors better judgment and crammed life full of things to drown out the prick and the deep cry of my heart. On the outside it looked as if I was doing all the right things. I continued to go to church, do summer mission trips, and attend Green River Community College as a Running Start student. Stress began to become the norm in my life. I was sick in my body, mind, and soul. Due to the stress, I didn’t feel good most of the time and wasn’t sleeping well which lead to me being tired all the time. Being tired increased the amount of caffeine I drank during the day. Stress and caffeine lead to heart palpations. I was a mess, but still was not willing to let go.

September 14, 2006 was the first day of my Discipleship Training School with YWAM. Three months of intense classroom learning followed by a two month outreach began a change in my heart and life. During the three months in Port Townsend I began to slowly let go of things I was holding onto including striving to be perfect and my need to know the unknown in my life. During the entire outreach, God was teaching me to trust Him in every aspect of my life. When I left to home for outreach, there were things I had to leave undone because of time. I didn’t know when I was moving to Portland, I did not get to finish filling out my application to Evergreen State, and when I left it was the start of a three month relationship fast. God was asking if I trusted Him enough to bring it all back together and take care of all the unknowns. Everyday it was a continual process of crying out to Him and letting go of all my fears. I had to pry my fingers off of controlling the steering wheel and allow God to take over. I had been stripped of all that was my comfort blanket: my home, family, friends, and boyfriend. God was asking, “Do you really trust me with everything?”

The last Sunday of outreach, February 25, 2007, during worship I declared that I trusted God to have control of my future and I gave Him my relationship with my boyfriend, which I ended in April because God showed me it was the best plan He had for me. I felt such a wonderful feeling of freedom after that and during our performance at the church I had so much fun dancing under the new freedom I had found. At that moment I was able to let go of everything I was holding onto. Not only did I embrace that Jesus came to save and forgive me, but he also came that I might have a hope and a future. I wanted something to remember this lesson by. Something I could physically look at everyday and be reminded of what God did in my life. I decided to get my nose pierced as a stone of remembrance (July 2, 2007). Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine ~T.S.

I moved to Portland at the end of March 2007 to intern at BridgeTown Ministries and direct their BTown Kids ministry over the summer. Portland was a painful, growing season for me. I had just come off an intense time surrounded by people all the time. This was my first time being on my own and I was learning to juggle work, ministry, and my relationship with God, which was the point of this internship. I had started working out my own salvation on DTS and that continued all through this time plus I was dealing with a break-up. Figuring out what my relationship with God meant to me, not what it meant to my parents. How personal of a relationship was I going to have with Him? Was I going to continue to trust Him with my life and future?

When I moved home in October 2007, a new phase of life opened up for me. I started my Bachelor of Arts Degree at The Evergreen State College Tacoma Campus in January 2008. I put my head down and dove right in. My focus was on school and work, that was it. That was my life. As school was winding down this past summer, I had no idea what was next. Shortly after my last class in July 2009 my supervisor at work is took my employee file to the State office to get my official job title changed to Director. There was training for child care directors and owners on August 6th that I took. I was quite shocked when my boss told me about the training and brought up the subject of the job change. Since the summer started, enrollment has been down at work, so I had been a little discouraged because I didn't think working full time would be a possibility, much less being put into a director's position. I will be honest and say that I am a little frustrated because things haven’t been moving as fast as I would like them to since the summer.

I still have no idea what the next few years will hold for me, but I know who is holding them and I am trusting in Him to guide me into His best plan for my life.

Album: My Paper Heart
Artist: Francesca Battistelli

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus)

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

(Chorus)