A Beautiful Day

The warm sunshine. The smell of green grass and wild flowers. The feeling of Spring. My heart is full of joy as I run into the field laughing. Today is special. I cam feel it. The scene around me begins to spin as I twirl around and around, still laughing. When the dizziness over takes me, I fall onto a bed of wild flowers out of breath but happy. The sun is shining just for me today. As I catch my breath, I come to my knees and begin to pick a few colorful flowers from beside me. They seem to reflect the joyous feeling that is in my heart. There is a stirring at the edge of the field. As I look up, my heart leaps. There stands my Lover, the one who has cause my heart so much joy. How long he has been there, I do not know. His smile is as big and bright as the sunshine. I jump up to run and greet him. With eyes shining he laughs as he runs along the outskirts of the field. We begin in a game of chase. Sometimes I am chasing but then we switch and I become the chased. Eventually he catches me. His strong arms wrap around me, swinging me around in the air. We sit in the grass watching the clouds float by. He takes my small, soft hand in his strong, scarred one and we walk away from the field with the sun setting behind us. Neither one of us saying anything because we don’t need to. Because I am my Lover’s and He is mine.

I am Warrior Princess...

... hear me cry.

Caution: This is a ventilation post. Please do not be alarmed by the content or thoughts expressed.

I don't even know how to start this out. I am so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. It doesn't seem to matter how much or how little sleep I get, I am still tired. I don't want the doctor to give me a pill or whatever. I hate waking up and feeling crappy all the time. There is nothing wrong with me. The doctor already checked me out. I just feel bad when I get up. Tis morning sickness without the pregnancy, cause there is no way that could happen. I am in survival mode is what it feels like. Just do what you have to do to survive. Read this for school, write that, go here, go there. I am tired of working hard for stuff! I guess I am most tired of being emotional. Up and down, up and down. I want to be even keeled.
There are so many thoughts and feelings racing around. People tell me what a good thing I am doing, going to school and heading towards my goals at a young age. It doesn't always feel good. I don't like school. I don't. I am enjoying somethings about the school I am going to, but there are somethings that I just don't get. And that bugs me! I know that not everyone understands and gets everything they are ever taught in their life, but that doesn't help. I want to help people! I want to be out there playing and teaching children.
Then there are things I am dealing with internally. The battlefield they call the mind. Always going, always thinking. Yes the Bible says to take every thought captive, but how? There are so many! Thinking about the what if this happens, the I want this, the how would it look if... all day, every day constantly going.
And there is the I'm single and it sucks. Now I know that it isn't the right time for a relationship, but I want it so bad.
There is the friends thing. I don't have that one person that I am super close to. I have friends that care about me and that I hang out with every once in a while. But we run in different circles now.
Church... I love my church! The closeness and the family. They are my second family. But there are like three of us who are singles. Me and two guys. I really like my sisters church. There are lots of young people who are on fire for God! There are college groups and people my age that I can connect with. But I would have to build those relationships and that takes time and energy.
I am just having an emotional time right now. I think a lot of this is spiritual and I am not feeling very strong right now. But I know in my heart of hearts that my God is big enough to handle it. He says to stand firm and He will fight for me. So I am just going to keep plugging along. Waking up everyday saying, "Today is Your day, Abba. I trust You to take care of me and the people around me."

My musings about V-day

This time of year is always kind of depressing for me as a single female. Even when I had a bf it was a down day. I don't know what it is about V-day, it just depresses me. Maybe it is because I have never known the clique phrase "true love" from a guy. My parents love me, my siblings love me, my friends love me but that is different then having the love of a husband. On Sunday, I heard two songs that shed a new light on my V-day blues.

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace


The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine

You are forever mine

The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe
The more I seek you,
the more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breathe, hear your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

The phrase that started this whole thought process on V-day was "You are forever mine." That hit me! Not like a train crashing, but like running into a big hug from someone who loves you. It was so amazing! I felt the love of Jesus washing over me. I don't know the words to describe the feeling. It was better than anything I have ever felt before. He loves me so much!! That phrase can go both ways... Us telling God "You are forever mine" and God telling us "You are forever mine." Either way, it's amazing! Then the very next song we sang was "The More I Seek You." That overwhelming feeling of wanting to sit at His feet, lean against Him, and feel His heartbeat. And that His love for me is deeper then any guy could ever love me. As I thought about this during the rest of worship and during the announcements a couple of verses from Song of Songs came to mind: (I am putting them here out of The Message)

4:7 - You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
4:9 - You've captured my heart, dear friend. You looked at me, and I fell in love. One look my way and I was hopelessly in love!
6:3 - I am my lover's and my lover is mine. (A better known version is: I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine.)

When you think about how God is the Lover of you soul and this is what he thinks of me! Wow! I am speechless and amazed! My V-day blues are no more! I know who my Valentine is this year! Is He yours?

Life Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.