I am Warrior Princess...

... hear me cry.

Caution: This is a ventilation post. Please do not be alarmed by the content or thoughts expressed.

I don't even know how to start this out. I am so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. It doesn't seem to matter how much or how little sleep I get, I am still tired. I don't want the doctor to give me a pill or whatever. I hate waking up and feeling crappy all the time. There is nothing wrong with me. The doctor already checked me out. I just feel bad when I get up. Tis morning sickness without the pregnancy, cause there is no way that could happen. I am in survival mode is what it feels like. Just do what you have to do to survive. Read this for school, write that, go here, go there. I am tired of working hard for stuff! I guess I am most tired of being emotional. Up and down, up and down. I want to be even keeled.
There are so many thoughts and feelings racing around. People tell me what a good thing I am doing, going to school and heading towards my goals at a young age. It doesn't always feel good. I don't like school. I don't. I am enjoying somethings about the school I am going to, but there are somethings that I just don't get. And that bugs me! I know that not everyone understands and gets everything they are ever taught in their life, but that doesn't help. I want to help people! I want to be out there playing and teaching children.
Then there are things I am dealing with internally. The battlefield they call the mind. Always going, always thinking. Yes the Bible says to take every thought captive, but how? There are so many! Thinking about the what if this happens, the I want this, the how would it look if... all day, every day constantly going.
And there is the I'm single and it sucks. Now I know that it isn't the right time for a relationship, but I want it so bad.
There is the friends thing. I don't have that one person that I am super close to. I have friends that care about me and that I hang out with every once in a while. But we run in different circles now.
Church... I love my church! The closeness and the family. They are my second family. But there are like three of us who are singles. Me and two guys. I really like my sisters church. There are lots of young people who are on fire for God! There are college groups and people my age that I can connect with. But I would have to build those relationships and that takes time and energy.
I am just having an emotional time right now. I think a lot of this is spiritual and I am not feeling very strong right now. But I know in my heart of hearts that my God is big enough to handle it. He says to stand firm and He will fight for me. So I am just going to keep plugging along. Waking up everyday saying, "Today is Your day, Abba. I trust You to take care of me and the people around me."